/* ** ************************************************************************* ** ************************************************************************* ** The Non-Sequitur Express ** Published at Perplex-Itronic intervals by Phillip Thorne ** Volume 4, Issue 5: Thursday, 15 August 2002 ** Previous issue: Thursday, 1 August 2002 ** Next issue: Magic Eightball says: Inquire Again Later. ** http://nsx.underbase.org/ ** ** "Wow! I'm boring! Do I always explain things like this?" ** --Dib to himself, "Invader Zim: Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom" ** ************************************************************************* ** ************************************************************************* */ OBS & COGS: Sneezing, Perseids, Bad TV listings, PA telemarketers begone! ERRATA: Dispatching of 4.4, dating. ESSAY: "Reality TV" and Mislabeled Game Shows. TOYS: MegaBloks "Battle Group", "Dragons". UPCOMING: Firefly, Dinotopia, G Gundam, He Man, Transformers, etc. plus Legalese, acknowledgements and opt-in/out instructions. http://nsx.underbase.org/ - back issues http://nsx.underbase.org/index_plus.htm - synopses, reviews, analyses, etc. http://nsx.underbase.org/tv/ - Philadelphia and network TV listings mailto://nsx-discuss-l@underbase.org - post on this issue (if subscribed) http://www.underbase.org/ - additional databases /* *************************************************************************** ** OBSERVATIONS & COGITATIONS ** ** A Sociological Observation ** Perseid Meteor Shower ** Mystery of the Bad TV Listings Solved ** Pennsylvania Telemarketing Relief ** ************************************************************************ */ [I] A Sociological Observation Ever notice that we English-speaking Americans have social responses to sneezing ("bless you", "gesundheit"), but not to coughing? If someone's coughing and sniffling in the next cubicle over, there's no standard way to acknowledge their suffering, but you sit there stymied anyway, compelled to think of one. *** [II] Perseid Meteor Shower The annual Perseid meteor shower was earlier this week, sat-10-aug through mon-12-aug. The Perseids derive from debris shed by comet Swift-Tuttle in its 130-year orbit, and are predicted to slowly become more spectacular over the coming decades as Earth's orbit moves into a denser part of the swarm. The Perseids are supposedly one of the more entertaining showers, at 60 per hour, and should've been extra-visible this year since Luna was out of sight... ...but while I eagerly sat outside on Sunday and Monday, I saw not 60, but a total of six. Sure, I don't reside at an ideal location (with light pollution from a mini-urb to the east), and they weren't ideal nights (with hazy clouds), but mostly, I'm not an ideal watcher: my viewings at 21:00, 0:00 and 04:00 consisted of mere fifteen-minute segments. Apparently it's true: TV and the Internet and fast-paced modern movies *have* ruined my ability to sit patiently for extended periods of no input! (--Data from the _Discover_ magazine "Sky Lights" column, aug-2002.) *** [III] Mystery of the Bad TV Listings Solved My local newspaper (the _Daily Local News_) publishes (or re-brands) _TV Showcase_, a weekly newsprint TV minimag. I was rather perplexed by it two weeks ago, when all the science programs I taped were mysteriously wrong -- and also, the cover was lacking its customary date. The answer arrived with the next Sunday's (4-aug) paper: same cover [1], same articles, same listings. Apparently, the magazine is fed its schedules two weeks early. This would also explain prior instances in which sudden programming changes (most often, shifts in FOXKids and KidsWB Saturday morning) were not reflected. [1] Actually, the second cover was further zoomed-in. Was that really necessary ?-- I wondered, given that the photo was of Rosie Perez in a black dress that screamed, no matter the scale, "Lookit me! Cleavage! Woo!". *** [IV] Pennsylvania Telemarketing Relief Driven to distraction at dinner by telemarketers? Even if you've broken the habit of rushing to the phone, and allow your answering machine to screen all your calls, hourly repetitions of its shrill quadruple-ring and greeting can quickly pall -- especially if you're home all day. Pennsylvania residents can now gain relief. Administered through the Attorney General's office and the Direct Marketing Association (DMA), the state's new "Do Not Call" system is now open -- and its online face attracted 522,000 people in its first four days. You can register in one of three ways: online, telephone, or postcard. Register by 1-sep and calls should cease by 1-nov; subsequent list updates will occur quarterly. Registration is free; you'll need to re-register every five years. Four categories of callers are exempt: those to whom you've opted-in, bill collectors, tax-exempt organizations, and political candidates. (--From the _Daily Local News_, 11-aug-2002.) [ http://www.nocallsplease.com/index.cfm?page=form -- register online ] [ http://www.the-dma.org -- DMA's do-not-call list for marketers ] [ http://www.dmaconsumers.org -- the DMA for consumers ] [ http://www.attorneygeneral.gov/ -- Pennsylvania's legal arm ] [ 1-888-777-3406 -- register by phone ] [ DMA Telephone Preference Service PO Box 1559 Carmel NY 10512 Include name, address, telephone number, signature ] /* *************************************************************************** ** ERRATA & OMISSIONS, ADDENDA & ADMISSIONS ** ************************************************************************ */ Issue 4.4 is dated thu-1-aug, but you didn't receive it until sat-3- aug. This is because I inadvertently sent it on Thursday to another of my lists, whose address my fingers were much more accustomed to typing, and whose membership is a subset of that of nsx-l@underbase.org. I didn't notice the discrepancy (on the copy sent to myself) until Saturday morning. Also in Issue 4.4, I refer to TCN's marathons of "Yu Yu Hakusho" and "Cowboy Bebop". I gave them August dates; they should be listed under July. /* *************************************************************************** ** ESSAY ** ** "Reality TV" and Mislabeled Game Shows ** ************************************************************************ */ As a writer, I deal in the correct usage of words, and reflexively take umbrage whenever I witness mis-usage. Misuse is, however, *advertising's* specialty -- not a matter of ignorance, but of willful distortion to snare the nearest hook in the customer's mind. Hence my indignation when I saw NBC's new (as of May) game show "Dog Eat Dog" promoted as "reality TV". "No," I expound angrily to the person sweating over the adjacent cross-trainer. "Reality TV is tagging after police, documenting real people on unscripted missions. This is just Nickelodeon's 'Double Dare' writ large." My audience nods agreeably, then surveys the gym for an escape route. I can understand the term being extended to cover, say, "Survivor", because although it has a fixed premise and cast, its specific unfolding is outdoors, and unscripted. MTV's "The Real World" and CBS's "Big Brother" transpire indoors, but are likewise unscripted. (The premise for the latter two: place attractive young people with poor interpersonal skills in a house, shake well, await titillation and/or hilarity. Not a recipe for a successful long-term space mission.) (At the far opposite end of the spectrum are "Jeopardy" and "Hollywood Squares" and their like, and any enterprising adwriter who tries to winch *them* under the "reality" banner deserves to be tongue-lashed to within an inch of death by "Weakest Link" sardoni-Brit host Anne Robinson.) However, "Dog Eat Dog" is entirely studio-based. There's nothing spontaneous about it: not the cast, nor the stunts, nor the setting. "Double Dare" did this a decade ago, and Japan is probably still doing it: just subtract the green slime (or wasabi-flavored fake lava[2]), then add occasional nudity. "Fear Factor", at least, has life-threatening *outdoor* stunts (towering buildings, speeding vehicles), plus creepy-and-pinchy stunts in boxes of bugs; and then stunts which are merely distasteful or embarrassing. Bit of a toss-up, really: what's worse, eating chef- certified bugs and cow brain and pig rectum, or parading naked before a roomful of strangers -- in either case, with the highlights broadcast nationwide and preserved for posterity? It might depend (I suppose) on your chronic nightmares, your body image, if you've ever worked as a life model in art class, and whether you have a sense- dulling head-cold that day. The makers probably screen contestant-candidates to ensure they're entertainingly anxious about a useful cross-section of challenges. "No, I have no fear of snakes, worms or bugs; I love exotic raw cuisine; I'm a card-carrying naturist[2], bungee-jumper and free- climber, and -- what? I have to perform long-division before a class of sixth-graders dressed as clowns? No way!" [1] In the "Simpsons" episode "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo", the family participates in a pastiche of Japan's infamously-cruel game shows. The climactic challenge involves retrieving airline tickets from a bridge strung across a steaming volcanic crater. In fact, it's filled with perfectly safe orange slurry -- flavored with wasabi, Japan's infamously-incandescent horseradish. [2] Habitual practitioners of a nude lifestyle consider it healthful and natural, hence their preferred moniker of "naturists". "And hillbillies prefer to be called 'sons of the soil'," says Dr.Hibbert to Lisa, "but it ain't gonna happen." (Simpsons-4f02:"Treehouse of Horror VII: The Thing and I" (1996)) [ http://www.jeopardy.com/ -- Sony's "Jeopardy" (on ABC) ] [ http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/themole/mole_home.html -- ABC's "The Mole" ] [ http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race2/ -- CBS's "The Amazing Race" ] [ http://www.cbs.com/primetime/bigbrother3/ -- CBS's "Big Brother" ] [ http://www.hollywoodsquares.com/ -- King World's "Hollywood Squares" (on CBS) ] [ http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor/ -- CBS's "Survivor" ] [ http://www.mtv.com/onair/realworld/ -- MTV's "The Real World" ] [ http://www.nbc.com/Dog_Eat_Dog/ -- NBC's "Dog Eag Dog" ] [ http://www.fearfactor.com/ aka http://www.nbc.com/Fear_Factor/ -- NBC's "Fear Factor" ] [ http://www.nbc.com/SPY_TV/ -- NBC's "Spy TV" ] [ http://www.weakestlink.com/ aka http://www.nbc.com/Weakest_Link/ -- NBC's "The Weakest Link" ] /* *************************************************************************** ** TOYS ** ** MegaBloks Pro Builders Battle Group ** MegaBloks Dragons ** ************************************************************************ */ [I] Toys: MegaBloks Pro Builders Battle Group Canadian toy company Ritvik has released new sets in its MegaBloks line: new "Pro Builders" "Battle Group" military sets, and role- playing-style "Dragons". MegaBloks is one of several clones compatible with LEGO Bricks (others Texan "Block Men", British "Best-Lock", and hinged "Better Blocks"). Thanks to lesser-quality plastic and manufacturing tolerances, they're both cheaper and less expensive -- but Ritvik's old-style philosophy of maximum curves with minimum brick-types has produced many impressive large-scale models. Joining the existing grey-toned lineup [1] are the 9764-"Tactical Fighter" (a 21-inch F-16), and the 9762-"Destroyer" (a 26-inch Aegis cruiser). (MegaBloks also produced military-themed sets in drab green, and a "Blue Angels" jet in blue and yellow.) [1] 9709-"Fighter Jet" (Harrier), 9760-"Battleship", 9780-"USS Kitty Hawk" (aircraft carrier) and 9775-"Sea Wolf". *** [II] Toys: MegaBloks Dragons The "Dragons" line features appropriate architectural elements, siege weapons, dragons and warrior minifigs to build your own High Fantasy adventures. (Elves, Orcs and Trolls not included.) The shattered rune-encrusted stone walls, pennants, and grassy slabs of landscape would be decried by LEGO purists as BURP-ish (Big Ugly Rock Pieces), but then, they decry MegaBloks as cheap junk, so what's one more insult? The monolithic dragons have flapping wings, light-up eyes and magnetic claws -- the better to grip "collectible" Power Orbs. The helmeted, armed- and armored minifigs have heavy metal cores. They're not generic warriors, but to encourage role-playing, have specific names and are divided into two factions: the bronze-colored Warfang (Morkusk, Skolack, Wulluck, and Kurg) and the blue-trimmed silvery Valtheran (Yulmar, Harnash, Riel, and Durian). *Durian*? Do the Ritvik people realize one of their characters shares the name of a noxious-but-popular southeast Asian fruit? The 9862-"War Chest" is notable for its packaging: instead of the standard cardboard box, it comes in a printed metal tin; the type usually seen containing teas and cookies. Set# Set Pcs Note ---- ----------------- --- ---------- 9862 War Chest 40 metal box 9871 Dragon Slayer 30 9881 Battle Gate 110 9886 Sorcerer's Lair 165 9890 Warriors Fortress 260 ---- ----------------- --- ---------- Perhaps this theme was inspired by the current "Lord of the Rings" movies, and by the LOTR building sets put out by Playmates? These "Intelli-Blox" are LEGO-compatible and use Playmates' "Intelli- Tronic(tm) Voice Activation" technology, whereby a baseplate speaks when a chip-equipped statuette is placed on it. (Same technology as those "Star Wars" figures, probably.) [ http://www.megabloks.com/PARENTS/pages/catalog/catalog.html -- MegaBloks horribly inconvenient online catalog ] [ http://www.playmatestoys.com/html/lor_main.html -- LOTR building brick sets ] /* *************************************************************************** ** UPCOMING AND ONGOING ** ** FOX: "Firefly" (20-sep-20:00) ** ABC: "Dinotopia" series ** "A Wrinkle in Time" mini-series ** TCN: "G Gundam" weekdays 17:00 ** new "He-Man" movie (16-aug-16:00, 17-aug-19:00, 90m) ** and series (30-aug-18:00, 30m) ** "Dexter's Lab" top ten (16-aug-20:00, 4h) ** "Transformers Armada" (23-aug-16:00, 90m) ** "Futurama" to come? ** UPN: "Digimon" s4 ** ************************************************************************ */ The term "workaholic" properly applies only to those who feel compelled to labor extra hours at a hated job, even though they'd really rather, and have no reason not to, be doing something else. By that definition, SF author Isaac Asimov wasn't [1], and scriptwriter Joss Whedon isn't. Whedon is now involved in five TV projects: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and three sequels: "Angel", "Ripper" (a BBC co- production centered on Giles), and "Buffy: the Animated Series"; plus a new SF series for FOX 2002, "Firefly". [1] The workaholic distinction is advanced in "Isaac Asimov Remembered", in the jul/aug-2002 issue of _Analog Science Fiction and Fact_. Specifically (according to the IMDb), he's the creator, an executive producer, and occasional writer on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997, WB, UPN), "Angel" (1999, WB), and "Firefly" (2002, FOX). "Buffy: the Animated Series" (2002) and "Ripper" (2002, BBC) carry similar credits but don't list writing, probably because nothing's yet been scripted. "Firefly" follows the conflict-ridden nine-member crew (five male, four female) of the 25cen tramp starfreighter _Serenity_, which plies the spaceways between the central Alliance (unified but unsettled after a galactic civil war) and the rimworlds. The one-hour series premieres on FOX on fri-20-sep-20:00. [ http://www.fox.com/firefly/ ] The story initiated in the six-hour "Dinotopia" miniseries (by Hallmark Entertainment, dinos by the Jim Henson Creature Shop) that aired this past May on ABC will continue as a full series this fall. [ http://abc.abcnews.go.com/primetime/preview/dinotopia.html ] [ http://www.dinotopia.com/ -- James Gurney's official site ] According to an ad in the "Spy Kids" DVD, Madeline L'Engle's _A Wrinkle in Time_ (1962) was scheduled to appear as a miniseries adaptation on "The Wonderful World of Disney" in apr-2002. I don't watch ABC much, but I don't recall this happening, and some further research indicates it's been delayed to "next season" (fall-2002?). (The brainy main character is affectionately called "Megatron" by her father, but she merely *travels* through a tessaract; she doesn't siphon weapons-grade antimatter through one.) [ http://disney.go.com/wonderfulworld/ ] [ http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/art-main.html?2002-01/14/13.30.tv ] [ http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hollywoodreporter/television/brief_display.jsp? vnu_content_id=852011 ] TCN premiered its latest "Gundam" import on mon-5-aug-17:00: "Mobile Fighter G Gundam", a spin-off series that's nothing at all like the tense military drama of the original "Mobile Suit Gundam" sequence, or even of "Gundam Wing". (Toys have been in stores for three months.) TCN airs a 4-hour "Dexter's Laboratory" Top Ten on fri-16-aug-20:00. The episodes (if this means anything to you) are "Grand Daddy of All Inventions", "Aye, Aye, Eyes", "Mock 5", "Streaky Clean", "Muffin King", "Last But Not Beast", "Golden Diskette" (a "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" pastiche), "Beard to Be Feared", "Filet of Soul", "Dimwit Dexter", "Quackor: The Fowl", "Paper Route", "Mind Over Chatter", "Sister's Got A Brand New Bag", "Lab-retto", "Momdark", "Dad is Disturbed", "Pslyghtly Psycho", and "Dyno-Might". Yes, that's 20, not 10; an episode contains two shorts. TCN has a new animated "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" series. The 90-min premiere movie airs fri-16-aug-16:00, encore on sat-17-aug-19:00; the 30-min weekly eps start fri-30-aug-16:00. Also, don't forget the 90-min TCN premiere of "Transformers Armada" on fri-23-aug-16:00. Unless you want to forget it. [ http://schedule.cartoonnetwork.com/servlet/ScheduleServlet?action=selectDay ] The TV industry speakers at the annual San Francisco Comic-Con always have scoops for fans, and they're gradually being digested by the regulars on news:rec.arts.animation. "Everything Old is New Again": aside from re-issue "G.I.Joe" toys, several new "Transformers" comics and the "He-Man" series (above), a new "Thunder-Cats" comic is in the works and, if it does well, possibly a series in 2003. TCN may also soon air both the "He-Man" series (but not the 1987 live-action film). TCN is also funding a second season of the anime series "Big O". [ http://www.tvtome.com/HeManandtheMastersoftheUniverse/ -- 1983 Filmation, 130 eps ] [ http://us.imdb.com/Title?0126158 -- 1983 ] [ http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/ShowMainServlet/showid-8354/ -- 1990 DiC ] [ http://us.imdb.com/Title?0169477 -- 1990 ] [ http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/ShowMainServlet/showid-12541/ -- 2002 ] "Futurama" may appear on TCN, starting with a syndication package of the first three seasons, followed by the fourth when FOX moves to the fifth -- yes, a fifth. FOX owns "The Simpsons", but because creator Matt Groening kept rights to "Futurama", the latter series is more mobile. The demise of an animated series needn't be permanent; unlike the cast of a live-action show, animation crew can easily be reassembled, since they're always moving between projects anyway. "Digimon" s4 will appear on UPN instead of FOX (which has carried the previous three seasons), as a consequence of recent complicated ownership and programming shifts between broadcast and cable networks -- eg, the sale that changed "FOX Family" to "ABC Family". (The toys are already in stores.) /* ************************************************************************ ** Legalese ** Acknowledgments ** Opt-in/out Instructions ** *********************************************************************** */ The set of creative works herein reviewed and analyzed, including the subset {books, movies, TV shows, toys}, are the property of their respective copyright holders. No infringement or endorsement is expressed, implied or intended. The original reviews and analyses are themselves copyright 2002 by Phillip Thorne. In this issue, certain data (possibly not otherwise acknowledged) have been obtained, aggregated and synthesized from: _Analog Science Fiction and Fact_ analogsf.com The Cartoon Network cartoonnetwork.com _Discover_ magazine discover.com Google search engine google.com The Internet Movie Database imdb.com TV Tome tvtome.com If you're receiving this newsletter, you've probably intentionally subscribed to it, or possibly you're interested in special topical coverage, or maybe I've sent you a teaser issue. To subscribe and unsubscribe, use the addresses below: Publisher: nsx@underbase.org (human) Newsletter: nsx-l@underbase.org (automated system) nsx-l-subscribe (to subscribe; blank subject) nsx-l-unsubscribe (to unsubscribe) Discussion list: nsx-discuss-l@underbase.org nsx-discuss-l-subscribe (to subscribe; blank subject) nsx-discuss-l (to post) nsx-discuss-l-unsubscribe (to unsubscribe) /* *************************************************************************** ** *************************************************************************** ** The Non-Sequitur Express ** http://nsx.underbase.org/ ** Volume 4, Issue 5: Thursday, 15 August 2002 ** Copyright 1999-2002 Phillip Thorne, nsx@underbase.org ** *************************************************************************** ** ************************************************************************ */